Frankly, I have no idea why you are here.
I’m here because I thought it might be a good idea for me to have a space to write and publish rants about things that upset me, rather than clogging up my Facebook feed. I’m here because I have opinions about books and games and things that you should definitely get and love and are foolish for not already loving as much as I do. Or because I disliked something everyone else found great and I wish you to know you are judged harshly.
So really, I have no idea why you are here, but thank you for indulging me. Obviously, on the one hand, I am quite convinced the minute I launch this blog, thousands of readers will spontaneously appear, validating not only my decision to write, but also my opinions, if not the visceral necessity of my existence. Within a week I will be writing major opinion columns worldwide. A month will see me installed as one of the great philosophical minds of our times. I am certainly not completely joking; there is definitely a part of me that feels that is the most likely result of this venture. I feel I should be upfront about what you are letting yourself into if you ever return here. On the other hand, the more rational elements of my psyche expect very little at all, and are just pleased to think a few of you may, from time to time, find a thing or two of merit in my ramblings.
And this will be rambling. To open, I’ve a couple of things ready. These are sort of meant to give some hint of the kind of things which grab my fancy in the first place. They vary. One is a response to a book I read. It’s not a review. Find out why, right here. One is an attempt to put into words who I am, which is basically just a tangent. A two and a half thousand word tangent. Another is my thoughts on the Isla Vista shooting, the #YesAllWomen response. It’s just been announced that Ireland’s Marriage Equality Referendum will be in the spring of 2015. I imagine some thoughts on that will feature, but in a brief spoiler on my position – clearly I think LGBTI people should have all the same rights as me, and while we’re at it, they should have any other rights that their specific situations and orientations require for their safety and well-being, mental and physical. Also, I’ve been meaning to watch the 1986 Transformers film again; I fully expect some thoughts on that to emerge, a shambling horde of unasked for nonsense, sooner rather than later. So don’t come to me in six months, claiming; “You never warned us it would be like this, you never explained what nonsense this would be.” Well, I certainly tried. I can’t be held responsible for the fact that you clearly wouldn’t listen to me warning you not to try and listen to me.
I’ve named this not-a-blog thing “Screaming Into The Void”, which is a name inspired by Twitter and Dante’s Inferno in equal measure.
resounding through the starless firmament,
such a commotion of groans and wails of woe,
I wept myself from sheer bewilderment;
Outlandish tongues, and accents doloroso,
howls, shrieks, grunts, gasps, bawls,
a never-ending, terrible crescendo,
Rising to vast compulsory applause,
revolving like sand or locusts in a storm,
turning the air black as funereal gauze.
Lines 22-30, Canto III
Ciaran Carson translation.
Not that I have a bad opinion of the internet, but the quivering mass of all those voices, it can become impossible to distinguish anything. This is just me adding my raw-throated roar to the din.
I hope to update this with one serious piece of writing about a subject which has pissed me off once a month, and also to include a not-a-review of a comic, book or film once a month, so if you stick around, you can expect something every two weeks or so. We’ll see how that goes for the moment. Anyway, long story short, I obviously think my opinions are valid and wish for you to either agree, or at the least, to be aware of them. Realistically, you might either agree or disagree, and either way you might not actually need to read a thousand-plus words of me trying to express how angry/smart/insightful I am for thinking my thinkings.
Still, thanks for coming. If you’re coming back let’s just establish a couple of sincere and important facts first;
- Optimus Prime was my hero in my childhood. In my teens it was Cloud Strife and Buffy.
- Now, worryingly, it might be Loki . . .
- I love a chicken fillet roll.
- John Noble once made the “Evil Walter Bishop face” for me and it was the greatest thing ever. (You’ll notice I mention this again in my discussion of who I am. It really is something which delights me)
- Sometimes, I just sit around contemplating the metaphysical implications of hypothetical scenarios configured through a lens of Platonic philosophy, and I’m not even stoned.
- I like this song right now.
- I have no idea what my favourite book is, and you will break me if you ask.
- I read a lot of comic books. I would read more if I had more time/money.
- You shouldn’t come back. But if you do, please bring cake. It staves off the madness.